How Much Alimony? 8 Factors Will Be Considered

Not every divorce involves an award of alimony, but in those cases where alimony is appropriate, then regardless of whether you are the potential recipient or the one who potentially pays, the next questions are: How much alimony? And for how long?

Before we get to those questions, let’s address any misconceptions fostered by “traditional” notions of alimony. In Georgia, either party can receive alimony. Official Code of Georgia (2015 Edition) §19-6-1 (c). Which means that either party can be required to pay alimony. Some of my “husband” clients have received alimony. Some of my “wife” clients are surprised to learn they might have to pay. The law is gender-neutral in this regard.

Admittedly, the law will be applied to your situation by a judge who brings his/her individual preferences, experiences and ideas — and a lot of discretion — to the equation. That’s why you risk a lot when you put these decisions into the hands of the judge instead of working things out with your partner after educating yourself about the law, your options, and probable outcomes.

So, back to our questions. How much alimony?  And for how long?  In Georgia, alimony will be determined “in accordance with the needs of the party and the ability of the other party to pay.” Official Code of Georgia (2015 Edition); §19-6-1 (c). That’s really not helpful. Luckily, the law provides us with eight factors that “shall be considered in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded.” Georgia Code (2015 Edition) §19-6-5(a). Here they are:

The 17 Child Custody Factors. How Georgia Judges Determine What Is In Your Child’s Best Interest

Does it matter that dad is an alcoholic? What if mom had an affair? With a felon? How about the time dad forgot to pick up the kids from school?  But mom is breastfeeding! How do judges decide?

THE LAW     

In Georgia, juries are not allowed to decide custody of a minor child, only a judge can do that. Official Code of Georgia (2015 Edition), §19-9-3(a)(2). Even when parents agree on custody and parenting, the judge is required to review the agreement and either approve it “as is” or supplement it before approving of it. Official Code of Georgia (2015 Edition) §19-9-5.

Neither parent starts with an advantage when answering the custody question. There is “no presumption in favor of any particular form of custody, legal or physical, nor in favor of either parent.” Official Code of Georgia (2015 Edition), §19-9-3(a)(1).

The Other People Invited To Your Divorce

Divorce is a very personal event between two people, but it is rarely private. It’s more like a pebble in a pond. Many other people are in the water with you and will feel the waves that your divorce creates. It might not feel like it, but you have a lot of control over the waves; the number, the size and the duration. At the outset, it’s a good idea to take a moment to consider all of those who share your pond and determine whether they will be buoyed or drowned by the waves of your divorce.

Friends & Family. Obviously, your children will be involved in the changes to your family, as will your extended families and friends to the extent that you invite them. Choose your support network wisely. Carefully decide how much you want to disclose. Once it’s out there, you can’t get it back.

Also remember that the reactions of those closest to you are often based on their perception of how you are handling things. You’ve seen this happen. It’s no different than when a child stumbles, falls, and then looks to those nearby to gauge how they should react.

If you’re upset, they will be. If you make a funny face and laugh, they will too. If you’re angry, they will be. If you are thoughtfully seeking to understand your options, and getting the assistance you need to care for yourself, then they will help you with those things.

Don’t be afraid to speak up to those who do not take your cues. They can be a gale force wind, turning your small waves into big ones.

The Court Didn’t Grant Your Divorce? It Could Be Your Timing

Every case is different and there are many reasons why a judge is not able to grant a divorce. Sometimes it’s due to an error that you’ve made. There’s an appropriate time for everything, including divorce.

Residency Requirements.

Most states require you to live there for a minimum amount of time before their courts will have jurisdiction to grant your divorce. It’s called a residency requirement and it varies from six (6) weeks to 24 months. In Georgia, the requirement is six (6) months for most, but twelve (12) months for active duty military living on a Georgia post or base. This is also true if you live in another state; your divorce cannot be filed in Georgia unless your partner has lived here for at least six (6) months. Official Code of Georgia, § 19-5-2 (2015 Edition). The American Bar Association published a chart of the residency requirements for every state.

Do I Really Need A Divorce Lawyer?

You might be wondering whether you can save money and represent yourself in courtroom litigation. I’m a big fan of do-it-yourself in most things, but let’s think about it. Beginning the litigation process without an attorney. Stepping into a courtroom without someone by your side. That experience might be like being shoved into an operating room, expected to perform emergency brain surgery. Or being put behind the wheel of a race car, expected to win on your first try. The learning curve is steep and mistakes are costly.

You would be fighting for the future of your family, for your own financial survival, under extreme conditions, where you don’t speak the language, you don’t know the culture, and you don’t know the deadlines or the procedures. Even though you will be surrounded by friendly and helpful people who are very concerned about you and your situation, they are limited in the help that they can give you. The odds that you would achieve a good result in that situation are not good.

I’ve seen people try it. Some have been lucky to escape with a result that was not ideal. Many were turned away because they did not follow procedures that they didn’t even know existed. Others looked like they were in shock because they had just lost custody of their children, or the court had ordered them to jail. The stakes are very high in the courtroom. And it can be impossible to undo the damage once it has been done.

The Court Didn’t Grant Your Divorce? Location (Venue) Matters

Every case is different and there are many reasons why a judge might not be able to do what you have asked – like grant your divorce.

One common reason that a judge cannot act is because your lawsuit was filed in the wrong place. There’s a proper place for everything, including divorce. You could be in the wrong courtroom or the wrong building. If so, those mistakes are easily fixed.

You might be in the wrong court. That’s unlikely, because the clerks at the Magistrate, Probate, Juvenile or State Courts mostly likely would not allow you to file your divorce there. They know that Superior Court is the appropriate court for divorce.

More often, people have filed in Superior Court and appear at their court date only to get the bad news that they’ve filed in the wrong county and will have to start their divorce all over again in the correct county. If this happens, a lot of time and money has been wasted. Here’s how you can avoid it.

Finding Divorce Perspective

Today is Holocaust Memorial Day. I am not of the Jewish faith, but learned of the annual remembrance at a recent talk by Thomas Buergenthal, a rare child survivor of years in the ghettos and camps, who has devoted his life to the protection of human rights.

Buergenthal spoke about his wartime experiences, many of which are mentioned in his book “A Lucky Child.” In the retelling of the horrific events of his young life, Buergenthal repeatedly became emotional. He was apologetic and seemed somewhat surprised by his tears, wondering aloud if it was due to his old age. Never, in the many lectures I’ve attended, has an audience of nearly 1,000 people — adults, teens and children — been so intensely and quietly engaged. It was powerful.

We can learn so much from the experience of others. What were my takeaways? Those who have endured great suffering can teach us not only how to cope, but how to move on. How not just to survive, but to thrive.

Reactions To Divorce (And Other Potential Disasters)

In my community, law enforcement agencies are holding regular meetings to teach citizens how to survive an active shooter event (aka when a person or persons start shooting other people at work, school or other public places). There is a good reason for this. A 2013 FBI investigation revealed that these types of random mass shootings have been happening more frequently. From 2000-2007, there were an average of 6.4 active shooter events per year. From 2008-2013, the annual average more than doubled to 16.4. And most events (60%) were over before law enforcement arrived on the scene. That might explain the trend of teaching citizens how to maximize their own chance for survival. If you find yourself in this situation, you’ll probably have to save yourself.

At the outset of the training, we learned the science behind the way most people react during high stress events. Not surprisingly, I recognized the behaviors as common to many divorcing individuals. After all, divorce has long been recognized as one of our most stressful life events, second only to the death of a spouse.

Domestic Violence: What Every Parent And Child Needs To Know

Her toddler is at home with his father. Their marriage has been rocky for years. No, not rocky.  More like earth-quaky. Her husband has serious mental health issues. He self-medicates with alcohol, cocaine and methamphetamine. Twice before we have gone to court to get protective orders. Eventually, both times, she went back to him. I learned to wait. For the next time.

Now she is calling me again, frantic, because he has taken off with their son. She went home to find that he had superglued all of the locks shut, preventing her from entering the house. The house where he has previously broken every lamp, punched holes in the walls, smashed furniture. The house where soot marks in the corner remind her that he once tried to set the place on fire while she and the child slept. The house that echoes of beatings, rapings, and his belligerent rants. And now, he keeps calling her, taunting her, threatening to harm the boy, asking if she can hear her son scared and crying for his mamma. She can.

Can I Change The Locks?

A separation is imminent. Or maybe you just want your partner out of the house. Now. Can you just change the locks?

That would be the easiest thing to do. But it might not be the best thing to do. Think it through before you act. If you change the locks, how will your partner react? If you aren’t willing to bet me $1,000,000 that your guess will be correct, then you probably shouldn’t change the locks.

Let’s say that you are pretty confident; or that you just want to do it anyway. Here are some possible reactions that you can expect:

Your Partner Stays Away. Rather than deal with it, your partner might just stay away and take up with parents, friends or a new significant other. Sounds like a victory, doesn’t it? Well, it might be short-lived. If you end up in the courtroom, you should expect that the “changing-of-the-locks incident” will be brought up, exaggerated and paraded around the courtroom in an effort to make you look like the bad guy who “kicked [your partner] out of his/her home!!” You risk tarnishing your image with the judge, unless you can persuade the court that you had very good reasons to act unilaterally (eg, without the judge’s consent).