The Other People Invited To Your Divorce

Divorce is a very personal event between two people, but it is rarely private. It’s more like a pebble in a pond. Many other people are in the water with you and will feel the waves that your divorce creates. It might not feel like it, but you have a lot of control over the waves; the number, the size and the duration. At the outset, it’s a good idea to take a moment to consider all of those who share your pond and determine whether they will be buoyed or drowned by the waves of your divorce.

Friends & Family. Obviously, your children will be involved in the changes to your family, as will your extended families and friends to the extent that you invite them. Choose your support network wisely. Carefully decide how much you want to disclose. Once it’s out there, you can’t get it back.

Also remember that the reactions of those closest to you are often based on their perception of how you are handling things. You’ve seen this happen. It’s no different than when a child stumbles, falls, and then looks to those nearby to gauge how they should react.

If you’re upset, they will be. If you make a funny face and laugh, they will too. If you’re angry, they will be. If you are thoughtfully seeking to understand your options, and getting the assistance you need to care for yourself, then they will help you with those things.

Don’t be afraid to speak up to those who do not take your cues. They can be a gale force wind, turning your small waves into big ones.

Here’s How To Get The Documents You Need

Both you and your partner are going to need the same information during your divorce. You can find a checklist of the most usual documents here. Ideally (let me just throw out the possibility), the two of you will cooperate and share the information. But if you’re just not at that place in your relationship at the moment, here are some other ways to find the documents you need.

Your File Cabinets. At the risk of stating the obvious, this is the most likely place to start and it is your most cost-effective, efficient option. Most everyone has a place where they keep their important papers, and in all honesty, a lot of unimportant papers too. Hats off to the more organized among us! If emotions or stress levels are high, you might want to wait until your partner is not home to conduct your search.

What Information Do You Need to Gather?

Remember the Scout motto? Be Prepared!

Preparedness is everything, in life and in a divorce. Your most important job is to get yourself ready and positioned for the best possible outcome. Some people think their attorney will do all of the work, but the reality is that your attorney prepares and advises you based on the information that you provide. It’s the same when your CPA prepares your income tax returns based on the information you provide.

Professionals can help educate and guide you, but the success of their work is based largely upon how well you do your part. If you do a bad job, then you will not get your best result.

In order to divorce, you will need to provide certain information. This is true whether you use the information to help negotiate a settlement, or if you end up using it in a court battle. In my experience, the more prepared you are with relevant information, the more likely you will be able to reach an agreement and be confident in the result. If you are unable to settle, then you will be more than ready to make your best case in the courtroom.

In law school, we were taught that we should spend approximately 4 hours outside of the courtroom preparing for every 1 hour we would be in the courtroom. And it’s no different for our clients.

Here’s the basic information you should start gathering. There could be more depending on your individual circumstances.